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Joanna Ryde on holiday in Albufeira, Portugal

Albufeira

Portugal

Me ma and da booked a package holiday to Albufeira in Portugal with Panorama Holidays for them and meself and me brother Bopper. Me sister Wanda couldn’t get the time off work. We flew to Faro and got some sap of a rep talkin’ crap to us on the transfer to the hotel.

 

WHERE TO STAY

We stayed in the Club Praia Da Oura in Albufeira and it was only beautiful, now I have to say. We were near enough to the beach and the strip and we had 2 swimmin’ pools, a sauna, a jacuzzi, restaurants and all the rest of it. There’s loads of different places to stay in Albufeira so have a good root through the brochures if you’re thinkin’ of comin’. Sadly I got lumped in with Bopper for a week so ya can imagine how close I was to drownin’ him in the pool. I did end up makin’ friends with a few people from all over like ya do of a holiday but he was there too so I got no peace from the little freak.

 

WHERE TO EAT

Well there’s  loads of places to eat and no matter where ya go there’s some form of Portuguese fella sayin’ “Oh lovely lady, you want some nice Portuguese food?” and tryin’ to get ya to go and eat in their restaurant. I actually didn’t mind the food at all, not the fish now. I don’t be well of fish but the chicken does be only mafis. They do that chicken piri piri stuff and I’ve always been very fond of that. Me ma likes fish though, not in a lesbian way or anything. Bopper does be as fussy though so he made us find a McDonalds which was miles away, the sap.

 

WHERE TO DRINK

Well because I was with me family, I didn’t get a chance to go out and enjoy the nightlife. Well not much anyway. I ended up goin’ out with the crowd I met a couple of the nights but mostly we just sat around the hotel talkin’ crap. We went to Kiss which is the most famous of all the clubs in Albufeira. There’s Barracuda too and Planet C and loads of other places on the strip. There’s a place called JoJo’s as well where they do shows but nothin’ as good as me.

 

WHAT TO DO

Well coz you’re here for a sun holiday I suppose it’s all about the pool and the beach. I prefer the pool coz I don’t be well of washin’ sand out of me bits. I went with me ma and da to Fatima which has nothin’ to do with the Luas stop. It’s this holy place where our lady appeared. There’s Zoomarine too what has all the Dolphins and that and Bopper was only in his element. Meself and me ma enjoyed the market to pick up the few bits and there’s a huge Nike factory outlet place which is a bit like the one in Kildare Village but isn’t.

 

OTHER TIPS

Don’t eat calamari! IT’S OCTOPUS! Sayin’ Fatima like the woman that does the voice on the Luas over and over again might cause ya to get asked to leave the shrine. I was bored anyway.

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