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Joanna Ryde on holiday in Amsterdam

Amsterdam

Netherlands

A second European trip in as many months and this time, meself, Charmin Eletrik and June Taaffe’s Youngfella caught an Aer Lingus flight to Schiphol and then some form of a double decker train to Centraal station. Mad about it.

 

WHERE TO STAY

We stayed in the ALP Hotel, just down the road from Anne Frank’s Gaff and it was grand for what we paid for it. The people that worked there must have been on somethin’ though coz they were far too friendly for my likin’ all the time. The stairs were awful tight and Charmin nearly lost a heel at one stage but other than that it was nice. It was only about a ten minute walk into Dam Square as well so it was near enough to everything.

 

WHERE TO EAT

Well the first night, meself and June Taaffe’s Youngfella took a walk to the Hard Rock Cafe and ate there and its mafis coz you’re lookin’ out over the canal. There’s a place called Leidesplein with loads of places around it to eat and there’s the bars and all. You’re never really short of anywhere to eat in Amsterdam in all fairness and there’s loads of places that sell pancakes or kebabs or whatever. By the way, just to point out, coffee shops in Amsterdam don’t only sell coffee. Hash they were sellin’! Mad!

 

WHERE TO DRINK

Again, you’re spoilt for choice in Amsterdam. There’s loads of little pubs all around the place and then there’s loads of clubs as well. They’re very into their pump pump dance shite and remember, this is the country that gave the world 2Unlimited and the Vengaboys. There’s loads of mad places to go. Charmin liked the sound of this place called Cockring which turned out to be a bar for leather gay bikers and we were the only girls in the place apart from a lesbian who took a shine to Charmin. I was scared.

 

WHAT TO DO

There’s loads to do in Amsterdam, bleedin’ loads. There’s the stuff Amsterdam is famous for like the red light district. Its mad, all these birds in bikinis tryin’ to get the fellas to go in and do things with them. I wasn’t well of it at all. There’s all the sex shops as well and then there’s the places what sell the hash and all. Oh and there’s Anne Frank's Gaff where she hid when the Nazis came lookin’ for her, poor bitch. We went to Madame Tussauds although that wasn’t great. Me favourite place we went was the Amsterdam Dungeon. I was scared shitless only in a good way.

 

OTHER TIPS

Mind the bikes! They come from everywhere. Mind the canals. You don’t wanna be wet in Amsterdam. Don’t try smuggle anything out of the country, get someone else to do it for ya. Me Uncle Dessie asked June Taaffe’s Youngfella for a bag of grass. It took him 3 days to pass it.

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