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Meself and the gang got a cheap deal to the Canaries for a fortnight with Budget Travel! Travel time is 4 hours from Dublin and 15 minutes on the bus to the resort (Or so they say, ya'd have to be Fernando Alonso to get to Playa Del Ingles from the airport in 15 minutes)
We were stayin' in the Green Park Apartments and its right beside the Irish Centre, which is only great for meetin' the fellas and gettin' locked and security in the apartments don't be mindin' whether ya do bring people back to the apartment which is grand for our new friend Natalie from Ballyfermot who had half the Ballymun United football team in her room one night. Not that I was lookin’ for a fella mind. I was goin’ out with a sap called Dave at the time, although he wasn’t with us. It’s easy enough to get a sunbed at the pool in the mornin' coz there's very few Germans in the apartments and the pool itself is very big but it does be freezin'. Concepta's nipples are always like rockets when she does get in. It does be nice for a relaxin' swim to cool down if the Icelandic kids haven’t been pissin' in it again.
McDonalds and Burger King are very close to the beach but if ya want to be a bit eventurous, there's an Eddie Rockets where the Green Park is and its only mafis. Meself and the gang went to the restaurants that are all around the place of a night and it was only mafis and really cheap (a bit like Concepta) although avoid Manuel’s in the Kasbah Centre coz Candy got a bad dose of the Pamela Scotts after a chicken fillet burger. Bring the few bits from home as well if ya don't be used to eatin' the foreign food and if ya do enjoy a fry of mornin'. Thanks to Sharon from Tallaght on the second floor for givin' us some sausages, rashers and a bit of batch loaf. They were mafis.
EVERYWHERE! We loved the Dubliner in the Irish Centre because one of the Ballyfermot girls was gettin’ into the owner so we got loads of free drink. There's loads of pubs in the centre and people just walk about between them all, especially after they've had about 26 tequilas. They do have loads of places that do the karaoke as well and I never told anyone that I was a real singer and they were all like "Jayzis, isn't she just like Mariah" although this one sap called Tenisha from Ratfarnham that I didn't like in anyway told everyone that she'd seen me singin' in Tramco one night which was clearly a lie coz I’ve never even been there and when she wasn't lookin', I got Anto, one of the fellas from Cabra we made friends with, to piss in her pint of Bud. Anyway, if ya want to do somethin' a bit different, The Plaza Centre is great as well. It’s very expensive mind you but great for the dancin', although not in the heels I was wearin'. The Hippodrome was our favourite although the steps down to it are lethal. Poor Concepta will tell ya first hand coz she fell down them and I was the gobshite that had to carry her home and Concepta’s a big girl.
The beach is only gorgeous and worth a visit and in anyways, a nice walk up along the beach and back helps you get that nice bronzin' tan on both sides. We ended up on the nudist beach one day (by accident now! Meself and the gang wouldn't be perverts, well Concepta would) and I'm not jokin' yiz, some of them showin' off their bits make ya wonder why they’d want to be naked. If ya are goin' to the nudie beach, wear sunglasses so they don’t know you’re tryin' to have a goosie at their willies or other bits. The water park is only deadly as well. We were dragged to it by the Ballyfermot girls and had a great day, although there was a bit of a row over Natalie, a tampon and the kamikaze slide but the less said about that the better. The rep told us that there's a weekly flea market where we picked up all sorts of cheap and tacky presents includin' a lovely handbag for me ma. I was disgusted though coz they don't sell fleas.
Don't walk through Playa Del Ingles on your own unless you've got a black belt in karaoke or are from a council estate. Wear loads of sun cream if you're goin' topless coz sunburnt nipples sting like mad.
