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Meself, Bernie and Tracy went on the school trip to the Czech Republic. It’s definitely not called Czechoslovakia as Bernie found out the hard way. We flew with Czech Airlines to Prague although the teachers kept tellin’ us they’d tell the pilot to turn the plane around to keep us quiet! Gobshites.
Well there’s a lot of options for somewhere to stay in Prague but seein’ as we were with the school we didn’t have a choice. The Czeczernck Hotel was the name of the place although don’t ask me how to pronounce it. To me it just sounded like the noise ya make when you’re tryin’ to cough up phlegm. Now to be honest, the rooms were actually gorgeous and there was a mini bar which was only askin’ for trouble where a gang of 16 year olds from Finglas are concerned. I showed the girls the old trick of drinkin’ the vodka and then fillin’ it back up with water and super gluein’ the cap on, although me ma was the one that thought me. Clearly a bad influence. There was an indoor swimmin’ pool and thankfully I’d me bikini with me to do the few lengths. The hotel has 3 restaurants, 2 bars and something called an atrium, whatever that is. I thought it was a place in Carlow. Ya could always stay in a hostel? Or a boat hotel, there’s loads of them, although I know I’d end up wet.
Whatever else ya eat in Prague, make sure ya get a few hot dogs coz they’re only mafis, not greasy or messy like ya’d get off some audlfella on Stephens Green of a Friday night. Now be careful when you’re orderin’ coz the size is the girth and not the length. Jayzis I wish I knew a few fellas like that! There’s other places to eat too. There’s lovely cafes on Oldtown Square and ya can perv at all hot Czech fellas walkin’ past. Me and the girls went for a meal in Allegro which is this real posh restaurant but I don’t like posh food so we went to KFC instead. Bernie just pukes it all back up anyway so it doesn’t matter what she eats. Other than that we were made eat where the school brought us and that was all muck.
Thankfully the legal age for drinkin’ is 16 although don’t tell the teachers coz we snuck out. They’re mad for their beer halls in Prague and they even do them tankard things. Jayzis, ya wouldn’t want to get a smack in the face off one of them. Not the metal ones anyway! There’s deadly clubs as well. Duplex on Wencelas Square is a lovely club and the music does be deadly. Lavka is nice too. Roxy is this bleedin’ huge place what reminded me a bit of the Red Box back in the day. Valentino is a big gay club if you’re that way inclined which a lot of people what read this are, let’s not lie. There’s not one club like they have in Blade 2 so I was kinda ragin’ although I wouldn’t drink blood. Bernie might but she’d just puke it back up after anyway, the bulimic bitch.
There’s loads to see in Prague although it’s all mostly buildings and crap. The main one is Prague Castle and there’s loads of museums and a big cathedral. There’s the Charles Bridge with all the statues and sure that’s famous all over the world even in Finglas. I know a bloke what said he’d one of the statues off it in his back but that must be a lie coz they’re all still there. There’s an old town and a new town which kinda makes sense and there’s something called an astronomical clock which just confused the shite out of me. Gimme a Casio digital any day. There’s a stadium that can hold 250,000. That’s like the whole of Cork. For shoppin’ there’s Pikepe Street. Oh and a Tesco! Every little helps!
Make sure ya bring Czech Korunas and not Euro! I got very confused with the whole money thing. Be careful crossin’ the road. Everywhere in Prague is as bad as Dame Street. Mind the teams of pickpockets although I ended up robbin’ everything back plus interest!
